A Turning Point In My Life

A recent watercolor of mine that symbolizes 2016 - a year of me dedicating myself to my art and everything I love.

A recent watercolor of mine that symbolizes 2016 - a year of me dedicating myself to my art and everything I love.

In a few weeks, I'll be turning 31, which I'm partially freaking out about (lol!), but on the opposite end of the spectrum, I've realized that this past year has brought such tremendous growth for me than any other point in my life, so freaking out is the last thing I should be doing. My 30th year was really a turning point in my life that caused so much change within me.

I want to share my personal story with you guys because I truly feel that ever since I decided to just be myself and not apologize for how I feel or who I am, I've awakened something in me that refuses to let fear of judgment dictate my message or hinder me from being authentically me. I can honestly say that now more than any time in my life, I feel at peace with who I am. I don't ever really share my struggles with anyone so, me coming out and saying this is pretty huge for me. I've reached so many turning points in my life, but the one that has recently impacted the course of my future was when I literally found myself lost with the path I was on and confronting myself - me. The real me.  

You know, all my life I really felt like I was trying to fit myself in somewhere that I thought was where I belonged. It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I realized that I've been running for nearly all my life. The person I was running away from? Myself. I always felt like I had to prove my worth, yet I always felt like I wasn't worth anything at all. It kind of sounds contradictory, right? Why would I try to prove my worth when I felt like I was worthless? I really don't know the answer to that question. I think it becomes an endless cycle of trying to prove your worth when you don't know your true worth. When you're trying to substitute things of false value with your real value, things never really amount to anything. You still feel worthless at the end of the day, and what you are left with is a picture that is completely and utterly not you. That's how I felt.

Now back to that life-changing moment. I really believe that in order to get from point A, where you've built up this false sense of self, to point B, is to literally break. At church this past weekend, the sermon couldn't have been more fitting where my pastor said that one of the most dangerous prayers we could make is for God to break us. Once we are broken, things change and God takes that brokenness and uses it for something entirely new. It's not until we have reached that broken state that God is able to show us something different.

So, that's how I felt at that point in my life right before I started this blog. I didn't know where I was heading. I felt completely lost, and I felt like something needed to change in me. It really took that broken time in my life to reach this current point in my life of tremendous growth. Once I decided to just pursue what I love and not worry about anything else, everything changed, and I felt transformed. I feel like I'm getting to know myself again more each day, and I'm truly embracing me. I'm saying yes to doing what I love. I'm saying yes to every good thing in my life and see ya later to everything else. 

So, now as I move closer to my 31st year, life has an entirely new meaning to me. It means living a life you love. No more chasing after things that aren't authentically me. No more substitutions. If it doesn't bring me greater joy or more love into my life, it's not worth it and not worth my time or energy. I will not change who I am for the validation or comfort of others and I will not let people's lack of love or reciprocation change who I am as a person. I will continue to seek and give love. It's just not worth it anymore to try to prove my love, my worth, or my value to anyone. I am authentically living and doing things that bring joy and love into my life and my family's lives. When you're happy with where you're going in life, the things that are important outshine the things that aren't. 

Life is too short to focus on things that aren't going to make your life more valuable and bring you in touch with your higher self. So, if there's anything that I've done with my story, I hope it has been to inspire you to pursue the real you and to live unapologetically. Pursue what brings you joy. Focus on things that inspire and uplift you and live and pursue a life that you love with no excuses. Once you begin to see life in a different way, so much will happen and you will become so much more energized every morning. Life will take on a new meaning. You'll have a purpose and a conviction that nothing could stand in the way of. 

In 2016, I want to continue to inspire people and really move in the direction of my dreams. So much has happened and there's so much more to come. Thank you for being a part of my story, and I hope you'll stick around for what's to come. 

Would you like to see more posts like these? What was your turning point in life? I'd love to hear about your story. Share with me in the comments below!